Just coz I bitch about him, it does NOT give you the fucking right to. I will pick him over you every time. He’s my future. Ain’t like you’re perfect. You cheat on your girl and complain, but when you have the perfect opportunity to come clean you don’t, then lie to her about it to make yourself seem innocent. That doesn’t constitute a relationship either. At least we’re honest with each other.

At first I thought I could do this. But I’ve done it for a year and a half now. I can’t do it any more. I can’t do this thing where I don’t get to see you. It’s bollocks. Ultimately it’s entirely up to you whether you wanna do anything about this. But I’m fed up of trying to be whatever the hell it is you want me to be. I’m fed up with not feeling good enough. I’m fed up with everything I do getting thrown back in my face. Yeah I know you’re always busy and you’re tired and blah blah blah.. Maybe it’s the way I look that makes you not wanna see me. Maybe it’s the fantasy of what I am and what I could be that you like. Rather than the reality do what I am. Maybe that’s what stops you. Maybe you’re embarrassed to be seen with me and for people to think you even know me. Maybe if I was skinny, and pretty, and looked the way you want me to you’d see me, and wouldn’t put so many obstacles in the way. Coz it’s always a fucking excuse with you. Always. Coz if that’s what it is, then I expected nothing less. I fully fucking expected this of you. And if anything, I’m fucking embarrassed that I love someone like that the way I do.

Finally realised that I’ve made way too many mistakes to ever attempt to fix them. I’ve fucked up every step of the way and I can’t just go back and fix it. Nor can I change it now. If I knew then what i know now, things would be completely different. I wouldn’t have made any of the mistakes that I have. I wouldn’t know any of the people that I do now. I’d have made a conscious effort to fucking avoid you all.